wendell


Because I’m Tall

Because I’m tall, when I’m on a crowded bus, I’ll describe to the short people around me the things they’re missing. They don’t always appreciate it. Maybe because I’m a stranger. When I tell a woman that a man at the front, in a single seat by the window, just picked his nose, she scowls… Read more »

Distance

Sometimes I only put deodorant in one armpit. That way, when I’m around people, if I don’t like someone, I can always keep them on my smelly side. After a while they go away. If they don’t, because they’re overly polite, or have a poor sense of smell, then I’ll become really friendly and put… Read more »

Junk

Want a bigger one?The bigger it is the betterMake your cylinder bigEnlarge Impress Your Lover with Your SizeWomen Will Appreciate Your New SizeBeat all the records with our New SizeSmall Size Is Not Your Verdict! Read below and Get the Size you deserveNew Bigger Size for Those Who DeserveBecome a new manBecome a super-hung giant… Read more »

Advantage of a Bilingual Nation

I like living in a bilingual country, because sometimes you get two of something. Like two fish tanks on your TV. I don’t know how it came to be, but Bell offers me both “The Aquarium Channel” and “La Chaîne Aquarium.” These are like the fireplace channel, if you’ve ever seen that, only you’re looking… Read more »

Swaddle

One night, when I was living in Washington, D.C., I walked up to the McPherson Square metro station and stopped for a moment to stare. There on the sidewalk, hanging around the entrance, were two ducks. I think they were together. I mean, I’m not a duck expert, but they looked quite different from each… Read more »

The Chopin Effect

The most beautiful piece of music I’ve ever heard is an Arthur Rubinstein recording of the second movement of Chopin’s Piano Concerto No. 1 in E minor. It was done in the 1950s, and though records had long been replaced by compact discs by the time I listened to it, my roommate happened to have… Read more »

The Quiet

My wife wears ear plugs when I talk to her. Not always, of course. Not in public. But most mornings, and on weekends often for extended bonus periods. We both started wearing them years ago, tired of each other’s snoring. I take mine out once I’ve rejoined the conscious world, but Geneviève says she “likes… Read more »